“Find what you love and let it kill you.” — Charles Bukowski
I’m a lazy goblin who wants to be healthy without doing anything. I want it to be easy. I want the pill. I want nutrition, sleep, and exercise to be perfect, down to a science, so that if repeated I more or less, mindlessly, stay healthy.
My brain absolutely adores routine. Systems. It needs it. I’d be nowhere otherwise. A train with no tracks.
But it also craves novelty. A stimmed out TikTok zoomer brain that loves new things. Swipe swipe swipe. It wants flexibility. It wants health side quests. New exercise routines, new goals, new gym gadgets and gizmos.
One day I want to be an elite runner, and the next I want to be great at yoga. One day I’m into tennis, the next rock climbing. One day I’m spamming eggs and the next I’m writing essays on sardines. It doesn’t always want the straight and narrow, it wants to go around the trench not through it.
A heart at war. Structured vs. unstructured. Stick to what works or go for the glory.
At some point, every diet, every exercise routine, every protocol I try caves under the pressure of some new shiny promise. Always iterating. Until it recognizes it needs some routine. I cling on and hang out there for a while, only to venture out again. Endless discovery. Endless tinkering. Progress. Going backwards sometimes.
But not my breakfast.
No, my breakfast has been about as consistent as the sun rising in the east. A north star of sorts. The cornerstone of my nutrition. The thing that has somehow slotted perfectly between both halves of my brain. I would be nowhere without it.
One meal. Ten minutes. By 8:30am I’m off to the races. Gut healing, bowels regular, vitamins and minerals in one shot, macros covered, recovery handled. If I didn’t eat again all day it literally wouldnt matter. Every other meal is easy. Mistakes don’t matter. All the boxes are checked before noon.
Systematic, repeatable, efficacious. Completely fixed my skin, helps me stay shredded year round, and enhances my performance. Simply works. Easy enough for a lazy goblin to stick to. Somehow still tastes good. Novel enough for a kid who’s never satisfied.
A glorified yogurt bowl, supercharged to the gills with enough juice to slay the demons of our modern world. Or most of them. A supplement trojan horse. Nine powders smuggled into my gut under yogurt and honey. We’re bringing the world famous dogfood bowl from dinner to breakfast. Same idea, but better.
I give you, the trojan bowl. Or as I like to call it…
The T-bowl
This is not your ordinary yogurt bowl. It’s the one man army of breakfasts. The camp in the back of the map with noob tube and farm nukes for free kinda setup. Lets dive into it.
Greek yogurt
The trojan bowl started as a smoothie. But god, after a while, does the body crave chewing. Felt like I was manifesting dentures or something, so had to pivot to greek yogurt.
“SMOOTHIES ARE A FRUIT DRINK, WE WANT COFFEE”
— Kicking and Screaming
The oldest people I know eat greek yogurt. All those Greek yiayias and Bulgarian baba yagas who live to 101 seem to credit their long lives to fermented milk products. All these poor folks outliving aristocrats because they ate dairy from the local goat. Forget the science, I am in.
Put simply, greek yogurt is high in protein, packed with nutrients, and contains billions of probiotics. The smoothie had no shot.
I eat nonfat, 0% when I can. I might get shit for this, but there’s a reason (details in the question corner below). Long story short, I’m selective with the fat (the macronutrient) that I consume. I don’t want 15% of my daily fat to come from 5% Fage of a mistreated cow. Bigger fish to fry.
I always try to buy organic when I can. Publix has a good nonfat greek yogurt called Stonehill. So does Trader Joe’s.
The base of this thing actually pulls quite a few levers. Pro recovery, pro gut health, pro yummy.
Coconut cult
I’m sure there’s a cheaper, more efficient way to get a wider range of pre and probiotics, however this is the most convenient way I’ve found to get L. reuteri, a specific strain of bacteria (if you’re in that deep).
A bacteria that used to live in all of us and mostly doesn’t anymore. Modern life clorox bombed it, gonezo. It helps patch up the gut lining and keeps you regular. Pros talk about it as one of the best strains for skin, which in my experience is true. And it tells your intestines to make oxytocin. The cuddle hormone. Brewed in your stomach, not your brain. A bug that makes you nicer. Mhmmhm.
Also Cult gives the bowl a little zest. Another item that can be rotated to change the taste. In the future I’d actually like to start making my own greek yogurt and adding specific strains to customize the bowl in a way that suits me.
Berries
In my experience there is a causal relationship between eating berries and feeling absolutely fantastic. Who cares about science? ME!
Super nutritious, packed with polyphenols, high in antioxidants, low on the glycemic index, helps lower inflammation, and an excellent source of fiber.
Always frozen, always organic (top of the dirty dozen). Turns out frozen berries aren’t the budget option, they’re the better one. The antioxidants that make berries worth eating hold up almost perfectly in the freezer while the fresh ones go to shit within a couple days, not just from a rotting perspective, but literally, nutritionally. Frozen berries stay almost as intact as the day they were picked.
Most people can and should be eating berries. The staple fruit of the trojan bowl. Honestly, a staple food of life.
Seasonal fruit
Did you know seasonal fruit is actually better for you than fruit out of season? Stealth nutrients, clean carbs, and apparently better skin.
Also adds to the creative bit. Keeps the trojan bowl fresh and new because it becomes something that changes. Makes it taste better. Adds color. Makes for better pictures on socials.
Over the winter I was juicing and adding citrus. Pivoted to kiwi. Lately I’ve been spamming stone fruit, nectarines, peaches, cherries. Coming soon, apples and pears. It’s a good life. I love froooOOOt.
Chia
Tons of fiber. Toooons of fiber. Fiber. Roughly 10g per ounce. Poopmaxxing. More importantly, it’s actually pretty low FODMAP, which is fantastic for people who struggle with digesting fiber or are just starting to ramp up (me). Also, if you’ve never read Born to Run (a running book), there’s a tribe called the Tarahumara who spam chia and are beasts and I want to be like them. Supposed to be great for blood pressure btw.
Dark chocolate
Chocolate is fantastic for the brain and is a rich source of magnesium (most people are magnesium deficient). Always dark, obviously. Has antioxidants and contains caffeine. Feels good in the morning after a workout to help get the brain fired up. Adds a little crunch depending on your build and helps the TB taste even better. I’ve always ripped the salty HU, but really have been enjoying a couple of these date sweetened chocolate chips from Just Date.
Maple syrup
Sweetener of choice. Honey is great, but weak in comparison. All the powders (more on this later) added to supercharge this thing make it taste like ass, honestly. Primary suspect is the beef isolate protein (I usually rip the unflavored one). Tastes so bad. But I do it because I want to choose my sweetener. I use more syrup than is probably needed to compensate, but I’m okay with it because it’s always post workout, when my body is starving for glucose and carbohydrates.
Honey
Love honey. More than maple syrup. But it just doesn’t seem to work as well in the TB as the primary sweetener. I usually top things off with a little drizzle. Delicious and nutritious. Bees are amazing. Just another great source of carbohydrate!
Bee pollen
Probably an overhyped wellness food. I put it on top because it’s supposed to be good for me and it makes the bowl look pretty, but science aside that’s really the extent of my decision making.
The Juice
This is where all the magic happens. It’s hard to get all of these powders down the hatch without a smoothie or some other mechanism. Hence the T-bowl.
Creatine monohydrate
One of the first supplements you should be reaching for and one of very few that I actually feel the effects of, really. Energy, mood, workout recovery, workout performance. I think almost everyone on the planet should take it. Primarily because the upside is so high, the downside is negligible. Not even expensive. Check out my creatine essay (fair warning was one of my first essays when I started this)
Colostrum
A staple in my stack. Makes me feel great. One of the most efficacious supplements I’ve ever taken. Completely helped heal my gut. Wildly nutritious, boosts mood, hair strength, and improves exercise recovery. Quick note, this is dairy. More on this later.
Buy Equip. Easily the most cost effective option you can get. High quality too.
Protein powder
For a little extra boost of protein post workout. Nuff said. The bowl is usually ~40g or so total. Right in that sweet spot. Most people wouldn’t think to add it to a greek yogurt bowl, but this is my post workout meal. Gotta nail that recovery window. Always beef isolate protein powder. Whey gives me acne. I’ve been using Equip for years.
L-glutamine
Supports gut lining repair. Helps fuel the cells that line the intestines and may support the intestinal barrier. Roughly 5g. I don’t think it’s permanent in the stack, don’t want to be taking it in perpetuity, but a new experiment. Such is the magic of the trojan bowl. Wanna try something new? Limited planning needed. I like tinkering.
Collagen
Balances out the muscle rich protein I eat. I also like running, and anything that may help maintain my joint health is a plus. I feel like I notice improved resilience in that department. Supposed to be good for hair and nails and skin, but meh. I’ll take it. Newer to the trojan bowl, but again, such is the magic.
Fiber
Fiber is currently all the rage. The diet tribes are seemingly coming to an agreement that a mix of both animal and plant foods is probably what’s best for our biology. But with all the stressors out there, and a lack of fiber over such a prolonged period of time, your digestive unit isn’t built to just hop into ripping 30g of fiber from broccoli and artichokes and seeds. Chia works for me, but it may not work for you. The sources below work for people with even the most sensitive guts:
Modified citrus pectin: works fantastically as a binder, particularly against heavy metals. Great detox weapon.
Apple fiber: more of a bulk and regularity adder, can help with cholesterol and blood sugar.
PHGG: awesome for healing the gut and keeping you regular.
Psyllium husk: similar to apple fiber.
You know you need fiber. How you get it, who cares. It’s all about choosing sources your body handles well. PHGG and citrus pectin are the meta.
Why is the trojan bowl so effective?
The t-bowl is an elite box checker. I know that after breakfast, I can pretty much turn my brain off. A beautiful gift at 8:30 in the morning. That’s really it.
Nutrients
This thing has more nutrients in it than your grandma’s stew.
Calcium, phosphorus, B12, riboflavin, iodine, selenium, zinc, potassium, magnesium, manganese, copper, iron, vitamin C, vitamin K, vitamin A, folate, B6, thiamine, niacin, pantothenic acid, omega 3s (from the chia), soluble and insoluble fiber, polyphenols, anthocyanins, flavanols, carotenoids, immunoglobulins and lactoferrin from the colostrum, live probiotic cultures, creatine, glutamine, glycine and proline from the collagen, complete protein with all nine essential aminos.
Its okay if you skipped all that.
Wake up and rip a t-bowl. Life will be better instantly. Trust me.
Consistency
Absolutely convinced the most important component of diet, physique, and health, is consistency. In my protocol, its everything. The t-bowl is always there for me. Never leaves me hanging, always delivers. Serving sizes almost always exact. Easy to make. Easy to eat. Day after day after day. Clutch.
Macros
Dwyane Wade LeBron James type thing. Carbohydrates, down the hatch. Calories? Plenty! Protein? I’ll have that as well thankkkkk you. All so important after a hard workout. Not hungry for hours. If I didn’t eat for the rest of the day, I’d be confident I nailed a decent chunk of my macros right here. That my friends, is called peace of mind.
Recovery
I workout in the morning and enjoy running longer distances. The trojan bowl is not a low calorie snack. It’s a 1500 calorie slop bowl. Exactly what my body wants day in and day out to keep training hard. Lots of carbohydrates, moderate protein. Exactly what solid recovery should look like after running 10 miles on a Wednesday.
Gut
For a long time I struggled with pretty bad acne and brain fog. I had all these sensitivities and gut problems from eliminating so much food from my diet over so many years, and still do when I have an overly fun weekend.
I got to the point where I was simply unresilient. Couldn’t eat anything. Would break out when I’d eat random health foods like tomatoes and avocados. It was terrible. I came to the realization that I needed to fix my gut.
Slowly but surely I had to eliminate and add and eliminate and add. The trojan bowl was a huge help because when it came to adding fiber, I knew I was adding sources I could tolerate. I could titrate amounts. Same with different fruits. Same with different greek yogurts. Same with protein powder. I realized my body didn’t really like whey that much. I realized colostrum was healing my gut. And I realized the trojan bowl was getting me to the bathroom, which honestly is probably one of the most important parts of healing your gut. It’s the primary way our bodies detox.
My trojan bowl might not be what heals your gut, but some version of it absolutely will. It’s the framework that’s important. Eliminate triggers, then add pre and probiotics you tolerate well, fiber, etc.
It tastes good
Well, sort of. Depends on how much maple syrup I add. I digress. This is a lab amalgamation of random powders and nutrients. I’m not trying to have a Gordon Ramsay breakfast. I’m trying to eat my breakfast and ride off into the sunset knowing I’m 90% of the way there. For how disgusting it might sound on paper, for how many powders are actually in it, it tastes pretty good. That was not always the case. At least I’m not drinking raw eggs to get my nutrients in anymore. Kidding.
Novelty
The t-bowl specialty. Titrate the protein. Add or subtract carbohydrates. Add more fat if that’s your thing. Throw in different supplements. Change the fruit with the seasons. Switch up the chocolate. Switch up the fiber source.
Breakfast stays enjoyable because you’re not having the same thing every day, but you know you’re covering all your bases regardless. I ate the same number of eggs every single day for a long time and it was great, but it felt stale and boring. Now I just throw everything into one bowl that can change week over week depending what I’m feeling.
Time
Takes all of 10 minutes. The hardest part is scooping the powders. Low mess, low effort, barely any cleanup. There’s nothing better than a breakfast that checks all the boxes and sets you up for the day.
Cost
To be honest this thing isn’t really affordable. Had a robot do some math, $11 or so per bowl. Dropping a powder or two and the Coconut Cult makes it significantly cheaper though. But a coffee shop sammich and a latte are going to cost you more and won’t do a quarter of what this thing does. I do my best to get most items in bulk from Costco or Publix, powders aside.
Question Corner
Why does my breakfast have nine powders in it?
Because we don’t live with the woolly mammoths anymore. Our environment in its base state is unhealthy. Pollution, microplastics, pesticides, antibiotics. Doing nothing to combat it simply does not work. If I was a neanderthal in the ice age, the base environment would have been hunger, tons of daily movement, natural sunlight, and a strong circadian rhythm. A few berries would have been plenty. No more.
Our environment is no longer conducive to the big 3 health interventions: sleep, nutrition, exercise. You’re supposed to be able to nail those things and be fine. I personally know so many people who do and are still struggling. Still bad blood work, still out of shape. It is no longer enough. Sleep quality is nuked by screens and stress. Diets crushed by processed carbs and dead soil.
Many of us have spent the duration of our lives on antibiotics, NSAIDs, and years of birth control. All of it leading to the same chronic dysfunction. Leaky gut and everything downstream of it. Hormonal issues, acne, fatigue.
The basics aren’t enough. Neanderthals did not need to filter their air. Neanderthals did not live in Central Park.
Broccoli will not reverse chronically depleted magnesium and a starving thyroid. Broccoli will not reverse that gut lining. Most people probably have a damaged one, and it’s part of why we’ve seen such a collapse in immunity, energy, and drive. You need to do more to get back to baseline. For many folks, the gut is the best place to start.
Hence the powders. Every scoop in the Troj is aimed at one of these demons.
Dante why does the trojan bowl have no fat in it?
Lately I’ve been treating fat like a supplement. I want the fat I consume to be of the highest quality. Two reasons.
Fat is where most toxins accumulate in the body. It goes into fat and sits there. That’s true in the cow and it’s true in you too. If you’re eating fat from unhealthy animals, well, there ya go. Take the fat out of the yogurt and you keep the protein and the probiotics and leave the little rascals behind.
I want good fat. The best fat. Olive oil, coconut oil, fatty fish, grass fed organ meats. Omega 3s, polyphenols, fat soluble vitamins. That’s what makes it a supplement and not just calories. I only get so much fat in a day. I don’t want to waste it on low quality slop.
I’ve also been experimenting with segmenting my carbs and fats. I keep the Troj this way early in the morning, close to my workout. I find I can hammer carbs early in the day, post exercise, with very little impact on my energy or metabolism. My body is primed to use carbs as fuel. I save most of my fat for later in the day. For a long time I would have a carb heavy meal midday and would be zonked out of my mind after lunch. After sitting for 4 straight hours, my body did not love 72 grams of white rice.
But Dante, dairy?!
Yes unfortunately, for some folks dairy doesn’t agree. Me included. I don’t have any digestive issues with traditional dairy but sadly it seems to give me acne. Something I’ve learned is that I don’t have the same problem with FERMENTED DAIRY. The bacteria eat through the lactose during fermentation, and the acidity starts breaking down the casein protein that most people are actually reacting to. By the time it gets to you a lot of the problem is already handled. Makes it far more tolerable for many.
Colostrum is also dairy, so be mindful of that. I don’t have any issues but some people do.
I think yogurt is a fantastic way to feed good bacteria in the gut, but only if your gut is functioning properly. More on this in a future letter, but in a nutshell:
Eliminate gut triggers (dairy temporarily, gluten, alcohol, antibiotics)
No snacking, solid meals and/or fasting
Make sure you’re going number 2
Add in healthy pre and probiotics/fiber
Which unfortunately might mean the trojan bowl is a step 3 thing for you, not a step 1 thing. For me, the trojan bowl is what healed my gut after eliminating triggers. Also keeps me regular.
If you don’t tolerate dairy well, I’m certain coconut yogurt would work beautifully as an alternative without all the dairy concern.
Dante so many carbohydrates! Is this okay?
Touched on this a few paragraphs ago, but it really depends on who you are and how active you are/have been. I keep the fat out and the carbs in because I’m eating this right after a workout, usually after running many miles, when my body is primed to use them. When I need them. When not having carbs would be borderline irresponsible. That’s just my situation, not a rule, which is again the magic of the TB.
You can make this thing yours. Build your own version. Flip it entirely if you want, fat focused, low carb, hammer the greek yogurt to 5% and drop the syrup. For me, carbohydrates galore. Out the wazzzz.
You get it.
Breakfast actually is most important meal of day
Breakfast gets skipped over because we’re always running from one thing to the next in the AM. Trying to get a workout in, trying to get ready for work or the kids off to school, it’s chaos.
It’s hard to find a breakfast you can reliably fit in that actually achieves what you need it to. I’ve been in the camp where I’m grabbing a protein bar and going, and I’ve also been in the camp where I’m making a full blown breakfast. Both are enjoyable in their own way, but both come with a cost. One trades nutrition for speed. The other does the opposite.
Supercharging a yogurt bowl is one of the best breakfasts out there to strike a balance between both planets. You’re getting the nutrition in, you’re getting the recovery in, you’re having a solid meal that leaves you full for hours, but you’re doing it quickly, with very little cleanup. Despite all the health benefits, I really think this is what makes it such a solid breakfast option for me.
The half of my brain that wants a system and the half that wants something new both get fed. The war is over by 8:30. Everything after that is just the day.
There was a long period of time where my girlfriend thought this was disgusting. Now she eats it with me. If she likes it, I promise you will.
Thanks for reading. Catch ya next time. Peace peace.
Dante